THE FIRST STEPS IN THE JOURNEY
As I sat down to write this, I had one person in mind: Eleanor (not her real name). Eleanor was a student in one of the memoir classes I teach. On the first day, when I asked all the participants to tell us their names and why they’ve signed up for the class, Eleanor’s voice barely came out of her mouth. She stuttered, blushed from her neck to her forehead, and kept her eyes glued to the table top. She barely spoke, and when she did, it was never louder than a whisper.
On week five, I asked the students if anyone wanted to share their homework. Their assignment was to write about the most painful thing that had ever happened to them. It’s a cathartic exercise I always assign: getting your emotions out early in the process can clear any blocks you have to writing.
Eleanor shocked us all by volunteering to read her pages aloud. She read with clarity and confidence, her rage and pain bouncing loudly off the classroom walls. When she was done, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. It wasn’t just the story she had read, it was that she felt safe enough to share openly with all of us. The level of trust among these strangers was incredible.
I’ve been teaching memoir classes for years, formally with writing societies, informally in bookstores, and in short presentations for support groups. Everyone who comes to a class feels the desire to write down their story, and I am frequently asked this question:
WHY WOULD ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY STORY?
I always deliver the same answer: BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR STORY.
There are so many different reasons why someone wants to write a memoir. For some, it’s a way to process pain, for others it’s the only path to healing. In my classes, I’ve had students who want to share a family secret and feel safer doing so in writing. Some are driven to help others through a journey similar to theirs. Some just want to write as a means to explore the act of committing to writing or experience the discipline of sitting down at a keyboard or with a journal on a regular basis.
At the start, it shouldn’t matter to you who will read your memoir. What matters most is making the memoir compelling. You don’t need a dramatic life — you need a strong story. Here are some tips to get you going.
- Memoirs aren’t resumes. Choose one emotionally charged moment and build outward.
- Focus on transformation, not events. Readers care less about what happened and more about how it changed you.
- Write scenes, not summaries. Zoom in: dialogue, setting, body language. Let readers experience the moment with you.
- Choose a clear theme. Your memoir isn’t about everything — it’s about something. (Identity. Belonging. Survival. Reinvention.)
- Be honest, not perfect. Flaws, doubts, and contradictions make memoirs unforgettable.
Your life story already has a powerful arc. Before you start, take a moment to acknowledge the story stirring inside you. Let it go where it needs to. It doesn’t matter where you begin this journey; you only have to commit to taking the first step.